About me, or describing the “I”?
Like everyone else, “I” am many things. First and foremost, I am married (to my Yin) with children; six to be exact; 3 of each, but we are not nearly as lame as the Brady Bunch.
On top of that, I am a reader, watcher, observer, researcher, thinker, analyzer, skeptic, arm-chair philosopher, dreamer, poet, writer, musician, composer, and goof ball (my paternal grandmother used to call me a “screw-ball” which I always thought was a bit strange). I am literally a jack of many trades but a master at, well, maybe one. I’m a yes man and a no man, but I am mostly my own man. I am a nonconformist that finds the current status quo to be pretty strange. You may think I am weird, but I consider myself normal, and especially harmless. I am an idealist and a realist. I am introverted and outgoing. I’m internal and external. I am material and spiritual. I am shy yet flirtatious. I am sensual and erotic, yet I am pragmatic. I am a proud ultra-liberal and a libertarian. I guess that makes me politically bi. I’m a lover, not a fighter. I am easy yet complicated. I am an atheist leaning agnostic spiritual being having a human experience that is looking for the existence of something greater than ourselves. I’m a full-time human being working overtime; but, who isn’t? (Just a rhetorical question).
There are also many things that I am not that help make the “me.” I am not your average overly testosteroned, crotch scratching, sports obsessed, unable to deal with his feelings, control freak, alpha male. I am just me, relaxed and confident, but not arrogant, trying to be happy for what little time I have left on this planet. However, I think with the head that is on my shoulders, I am not a gullible pushover, and I do not tolerate drama in my life.
I also enjoy being gentle and a gentleman. I believe in honesty, integrity, peace, tolerance and acceptance, love, romance, and sensuality.
Mainly, I am just trying to help plant seeds of peace.
More History
I was born on October 9, 1961, at 1:44pm Central Daylight Savings Time in Peoria, Illinois. For you astrology lovers, that means my Sun and Moon signs are Libra, and my rising sign (whatever that means) is Capricorn. My Chinese sign is the Ox. If you want to know more, feel free to run my chart. Although I find it interesting at times, I am a huge skeptic of astrology. In fact, I am I huge skeptic of anything mythological.
I was raised and lived most of my life in Peoria. When I was born, we lived in Chillicothe. We then moved to Bellflower, California. I have a very strange, vivid memory of that trip. We then moved back to Peoria where we lived on Hansler street, where I have many fond memories. My father left and married another woman while still married to my mother when I was 4. My mother and I moved in with my paternal grandparents for a short while. Her and I then moved into an apartment on Missouri, near White School. When I was 9, she remarried to my abusive, alcoholic, control freak stepfather and we moved to Ashton Ave., which was near the corner or Prospect and War Memorial Drive.
I moved out and got married the first time when I was 17. My first marriage was to my high school crush. We were legally married for 6 years, together off and on for 3 years, and our life together was all about sex, drugs, and rock n roll.
In December of 1979, after I turned 18, I went into the army, where I spent 3 years. My basic training was at Ft. Jackson, S.c., my AIT took place at Ft. Lee, VA, and I was stationed in the 517th Trans Co., at Ft. Bragg, N.C. As mentioned above, I am a nonconformist. I think, and I have always thought, the status quo is just silly. So, needless to say, the army didn’t work out too well, but it was an experience.
I spent most of my 20s wandering and partying. I went from place to place, running away from my responsibilities. I went from low paying job to low paying job. For a time, I was a male stripper at Passages (which is no longer there) in Peoria, IL. (Since I am a male, I guess being a female stripper is out of the question). But, I mostly worked in the service industry as a waiter, cook, dishwasher, bartender, or delivery person. I was also unemployed for a time, scrounging off of my friends and my mom. I was even homeless living in a homeless shelter for a short time.
In the summer of 1987 (I think it was), I hooked up with and ran off with a married woman who had three kids. We lived in Tulsa for a bit. We tried California with my dad for a bit. Moved back to the Peoria area, living in East Peoria, for a bit. Went back to Tulsa, and then back to Peoria. With her, it was a lot of the same. We moved from place to place running away from our bills. We survived but most of our money went for pot. She suffered from borderline personality disorder something fierce. Ultimately, she died of chicken pox (of all things) in February of 1990.
I met wife #2 (the mother of my children) at the restaurant that I worked at. We were married in August of 1991, our first child was born in June of 1992, and our second was born in December of 1993. We moved from Peoria to Kewanee, where she was originally from, and where I got my AA degree in college.
We moved to Springfield, Illinois (where I now live), in December of 1994 so I could attend UIS. Her and I split in July of 1995, and were ultimately divorced in December of 1996. Our son and daughter continued to live with me, along with my wife and stepchildren.
After our divorce, I worked full-time with the developmentally disabled and went to college full-time. I acquired a BA in Legal Studies from UIS in May of 1997. In the fall of 1997, I became the graduate assistant for the Legal Studies program, while still working part-time with the developmentally disabled. My mother died as a result of complications with MS in September of that same year. After the Spring semester of 1998, I became a GPSI intern working for the State, and I worked part-time driving a school bus in the mornings. I began working for the Illinois Municipal League (where I am still employed as a paralegal) in March of 1999, and I acquired my MA in May of 2000.
Since December of 1999, I tried the institution of marriage 3 more times. Needless to say, that didn’t workout so well. First and most simply, I married these women based on false emotions. As people, we really didn’t have that much in common. Most importantly, the marriages were all based on fantasies and expectations. They were all in a position similar to my mother’s, and I was trying to “save” them from their plight, as my stepfather was perceived by others. It was perceived by others that my stepfather was a saint who had rescued my mother and I from the pits of hell, or something, and I, subconsciously, wanted to be that knight in shining armor. I am well over that now, and am married to my life partner.
At the end of 2003 and the beginning of 2004, I began examining religion and spirituality. I have studied Buddhism, Christianity, Gnosticism, Taoism, Paganism, and just about any other “ism” you can think of. Up until this time, I was an apathetic agnostic; I didn’t know and I really didn’t care. I examined it some after I began college but I came to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter whether “God” exists or not. As long as I do my best to always do the right thing, I will be fine. Therefore, I did my best from that point forward to live an ethical life. After all of the examinations, I have come back to being an apathetic agnostic; I don’t know, I don’t care, and as long as I live as peaceful of life as possible, I will be fine.
After all of this craziness, I am happy, comfortable, and content.
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